A Mother’s Love
I have a large black wooden frame (from @sugarboodesigns, I’m pretty sure) in one of my several storage vaults that holds a picture, similar to the one below, featuring the two great loves in my life, with the following poem boldly emblazoned in white block print surrounding the picture, almost like it’s holding them in a warm hug. It’s a bittersweet reminder of the greatest joy and two most treasured gifts I’ve ever been given, but it’s also a symbol of times that call for strength, tenacity and the enormous grace required to be consistent when challenged, loving when hurt, patient when pressured and tough when warranted. My own Mom used to say, “children don’t need their parents to be their friends; they need them to be their example, their guidepost, their teachers, and their safe place.” That held true in my relationship with my Mother, as well as in my relationship with my daughter and son…until at some point, we do become friends; friends like no other, that you’ll ever know.
Big love…
“A mother’s love is something that no one can explain ~ it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain. It is endless and unselfish and enduring, come what may; for nothing can destroy it or take that love away. It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, and it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking.”
The words are the work of Helen Steiner Rice, and each time I read them, I feel overwhelmed with an enormity of love and sadness. I wish, too, that I might have met her? How did she sum up in a few sentences what I’ve felt for a lifetime, but have never been able to express so succinctly…and still I struggle! Those few lines strung together, contain everything I’ve experienced as one of my own Mom’s four daughters, and as the Mom to my daughter, son, and also my eldest step-daughter. No one could have prepared me for the immediate connection and all-consuming adoration I felt when each of my own two infants were placed in my arms for the very first time, nor would I know how deeply I could care for an adult “child” that wasn’t mine from birth, but rather introduced into my life from a different set of circumstances.
All relationships come with hardships, and mothering is no exception; heaven knows I’ve felt plenty of hardship, on both sides of the equation…as both daughter and mother! The hardship is real, both past and present, but the love still manages to outweigh the pain, every time. Maybe, part of being a loving mother can be tied to the phrase, “There are two gifts we should give our children: one is roots and the other is wings.” Knowing the how and when to accept and apply those principles is what, I’m convinced, to be the greatest challenge.
My Mom is gone now, but I know she’s watching down from above and remembering, among so many other things, the crazy assortment of road trips we all took together, and the musical playlists that accompanied those miles. The drive home from Las Vegas to Santa Ynez, was made awfully entertaining, and utterly unforgettable, with some of our musical choices, Emily and Alex’s one-of-a-kind DJ skills and our joint “vocal stylings!” (Englebert, you were remembered well!)
“This Moment In Time,” at The Bellagio in 2012
My own two, “forever my babies” are grown adults. One, who actually entered the world ON Mother’s Day and has, thankfully, survived more trips to the E.R. than I could have possibly imagined, is about to turn 25, has graduated from college and is a talented, strong, independent man. The other, the first to bless me with that, my most “proudest” title, “Mom,” is married, smart, determined, a successful entrepreneur, best friend and the most loyal, generous and caring human I’ve ever known. My stepdaughter, six weeks my junior, and now too dear friend, will forever remind me of nights spent watching “Sex and the City; “the summer and nine lives of Harley;” as well as the “special, Italian Family Sauce” she lovingly prepares for special occasions, and often gifts… hint, hint! For Alex, my son from another Mother, thank you for being a perfect husband to my girl, and an amazing friend and gift to us all.
I’m not sure who has taught who more over these past 30 years, but I will always cherish each and every moment and memory. The world, and God, has a funny way of working, and I’m trying… STILL, to learn when to let go and when to hold on, but this needlepoint pillow I stitched just over 30 years ago, has made its way full circle, and to “all my kids”… this is for you!
Happy Mother’s Day!